On The Road With Denny D

Ever get in your car, drive and forget where you're going or how you got where you are. You yell at yourself because that's normal. I mean who else is there to yell at. I'm the bone head who thought, Oh well, let's just daydream a while . I obviously have nowhere to go, do I have to get to nowhere, in a friggin hurry? You know the guy? I'm thinking,  gee, how did I get here?   Looks like I made good time!  Every sit at red light and have know idea how many cycles of changing lights you missed. You wish you had an excuse like texting or mowing down a big Mac, while searching the bottom of the bag for that surprise fry. Nope, just spaced out, waiting for the caffeine to kick in. Ever notice how this always seems to happen on a Monday. Maybe, you just don't want to go where your going, so your mind in it's supreme intelligence decides, frig it, a little holiday would be nice right about now. Gee, where would I really like to go? Fantasy front seat, reality bac...

We all do it. There's no reason to be ashamed. It's part of our daily natural cleaning process. There are two things people don't want other people see. Well, there could be a few others but I will address just a couple. One, wiping our asses. Nobody wants to see that. A close second, getting caught picking our nose. This is the one area of focus, I want to talk about today. Why, I don't know, maybe it will be funny. Crusty  Happens They happen on the couch. They happen on the can. The happen in the car. Crusty happens. How you take care of crusty is up to you. Just don't get caught decrustifiying the crusty. Are you a couch, can, or car picker?  The couch is probably the worst place to do the deed. Tissues only do so much some. You think you got your nose covered but some of that stuff is going to get lost and find a new home somewhere on the fabric or maybe stuck to an old getaway chip, you lost under your cushion in 1979.  There you are hiding your pick. The thum...

  Born in a barn   If Jesus were here today, he'd probably live in a bachelor apartment above an old out-of-business service station in rural Ontario, Canada. More than likely be vegan and host a podcast called The Daily Miracle. The apartment would be spotless. And although he was born in a barn,  I don't think he'd appreciate everyone mentioning that fact, every time they visited.  He would still have twelve friends. One, of course, a traitor. The others could be and would be, a big fat gender-confused spectrum of interesting possibilities. Oh yeah, and maybe a hooker on the side for arm art because I don't think he would be into tats.   The opening lines of his podcast would be. “My dad loves you and so do I”  The guest would come on the show with a host of problems. Why yes, pun intended. Thank you. He would ponder, think and say out loud “What would daddy do?” I think your solution my friend is stuck between stagnation and creation. Look what ...

This is what I see on a daily basis in my rearview mirror. People who morph into chickens.  I'm stuck at a red light. A fun activity. Other than trying to distract myself from a blinker that sounds like "Let's go! let's go! let's go!" I turn my attention to my friend. My rearview mirror.  The scene is someone looking down at their cell phone with a case of chicken turrets. Chicken fingers, thumbs, bopping heads and sideways glances. Looking out for cops or maybe a better shade of green. They don't care about the guy in front, me,  clearly indicating that I know what they are doing. I raise my hands in the air pretend I have an invisible cell phone and I point in a downward motion asking them to politely hang up the frigging phone. Well, it starts out polite. Soon chicken fingers turn into just a couple of middle fingers and a bunch of f-bombs. Chicken Neck is mad and drives like all madmen with a small penis, fast and loud. Thanks for stopping by. If you l...

                                                                                                 OBP   I know it's not nice to call them old bags. Life-experienced may be more appropriate.  But I'm sorry. I just can't handle it. My lungs yell out.  I've heard them.  What the F is with the OBP?   After I run away as fast as I can and cough my lungs out, It occurs to me.  Maybe it's all part of their evil plan to weed out weak, allergenic, entitled pricks like me. You know, have a few laughs before they cash in their chips. I'm sure they're organized too. There are probably thousands of wrinkle skin people, who are pissed enough that they're getting older, who are someh...

                              #OnTheRoadWithDennyD Bald men don't use hair gel.  Or do they? If you see a bald man shopping for his wife and he leaves the store with a box of tampons, aspirin, a men's health ab edition, and hair gel, he may not be passive-aggressive.  And I'm pretty sure he is hiding something. Not that I had any experience in that sort of thing. Luckily for me, I still have some hair left. And I don't need to shop for my wife anymore. I don't have one, for obvious reasons. However, I still lack the courage to check out certain things. And I surely don't need other people checking my things out.  Enter the jobs-stealing technology known as Self-Checkout.  I have to admit. Not a fan, unless of course, I have to buy something a little too risky. I mean I have a reputation to fake. I'm just glad self-checkouts don't have mirrors. Can you imagine the conversation? T...

Strange Pairing at the Drug store.   Diapers and condoms. Here’s a pair. The order of the purchase says it all. If the condoms are rung in after the diapers. It just means that shit ain’t going to happen again. If it’s the other way around, it's like saying if I would have used this shit, the other shit wouldn’t have happened.  Either way shit happens. It stinks. The good news, you can usually smell it coming, unless, of course, you step in. That's on you, my friend. Or at least your shoes.         Thanks for stopping by. If you like my stories, I would love to hear from you. Feel free to comment and share.    Denny D    

#OnTheRoadWith DennyD Climb in, we are fuelled up and ready to go. Where the hell the road is going, doesn't really matter. What matters, is that nothing matters but now and how we get down the road. I try to find the funny side of this unreal reality called life and for your reading and or listening enjoyment, tell you the story. So buckle up, it could be a bumpy ride. Let the journey begin..... Denny D